Jamie's Weekly Sports Thoughts
September 19th, 2008
It's a bugger to be getting old eh?
I detest technology and technology hates me back with interest.
Most functions on a computer are still a mystery to me and surplus to requirements. I've no idea how to tune a television with a remote, let alone work the remote or a home theatre system. Facebook and i-pods are things I hear my kids talk about but can't see myself ever figuring out.
I do, however, make some exceptions when it comes to being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. Like many who spend the majority of their working lives a slave to a computer, I must admit I could not function without e-mail and I'd battle these days to survive without Google. It's a glorified Encyclopedia Britannica for old guys.
There is one other piece of new technology I've grown to love, and figured out how to work, in a short space of time. It's called My Sky.
Don't ask me how it works because all I know is that since we've replaced a decrepit old VCR with My Sky, My Life has become infinitely more pleasurable. I can arrive home any time of the day or night to the latest version of news, sport, current affairs or Coronation Street , which I can enjoy, minus the commercials, at my leisure.
Tonight's a cracker on the box for sporting sofa sloths and a perfect example of the beauty of My Sky. My first port of call will be the Stags in the must-win clash against Tasman at 7-35pm. That provincial loyalty will be sorely tested at 8-30pm when the Warriors take on the Roosters in the sudden death NRL play-off.
Unless the Stags really run away with the game in Blenheim, I'll be sticking with them until the final whistle, by which time the Warriors at Mount Smart should at the half time break.
And that's where My Sky comes into play. It's back to the start of the league. Some judicious fast-forwarding through unnecessary stoppages in play and the extended half time break and I reckon I won't be a mile away from finishing the game in real time just after 10pm.
All of which leaves time for a Stags-inspired celebratory hot cocoa drink before bed and a My Sky re-run of last night's episode of Coronation Street.
It's a bugger to be getting old eh?
Email Jamie your thoughts by clicking here.
Sports Thoughts Archive
September 12th, 2008
Martin Luther King once famously declared he had a dream. I had one of those the other night...
With fulltime showing on the clock, and after a dozen relentless attacking phases, Ranfurly Shield glory awaited the Southland Stags at Eden Park as the ball was spun wide and a four-on-two overlap developed.
With lightning-fast hands Jason Kawau was able to unload to replacement hooker Jason Rutledge who had Kenny Lynn and Matt Saunders unmarked outside him. Rutledge, whose blood flows maroon, knew this was his destiny, his reason for being. In that nano-second, as he drew the last line of Auckland defense, he thought of his father Leicester's lost shield opportunities, before putting Lynn in for the winning try in the corner.
Such was the elation in the Southland camp, with the score at 14-13, Blair Stewart dispensed with the formalities by gleefully turning to the crowd, drop-kicking the conversion attempt into the back row of the grandstand.
At the immediate after-match interview an elated captain Jamie McIntosh, displaying a penchant for posterity, took inspiration from Peter Jones' epic 1956 comment from the very same ground by declaring himself absolutely buggered. Not content with that immortal uttering, and on a roll as the cameras rolled, the big guy went straight to the top shelf of immortal Kiwi quotes exclaiming, in the best traditions of Sir Ed, "We knocked the bastards off".
After a mayoral reception for the Stags on Sunday, Tim Shadbolt unilaterally declared Monday a public holiday for all Southlanders. The ensuing tickertape parade started in Te Anau and wound its way through Gore and Winton before culminating in a 50,000-strong throng at Rugby Park Stadium. In total, half of the province's populace was there and the other half wished they could be.
The last man to hold aloft the shield, the great W.R. (Robin) Archer was flown down from his Christchurch base to address the delirious fans. Other speakers included fellow '59ers A.J. (Ack) Soper and K.F. (Kevin) Laidlaw as well as former All Blacks Brian McKechnie, Ken Stewart, Leicester Rutledge, Jeff Wilson and Paul Henderson.
McIntosh, as Archer had done 49 years earlier, held the Log of Wood aloft before passing it on to the conquering coaches Simon Culhane and David Henderson. The latter's elated sibling then jumped back on stage and, in an unscripted fit of hitherto unknown bounteous benevolence, declared to all gathered he was shouting for his victorious twin brother.
At that point I awoke and realized, this time at least, I was dreaming the impossible dream.
Next time huh?
September 5th, 2008
There's something about an impending Ranfurly Shield challenge that always makes me reach for my copy of Something to Crow About - The Centennial History of the Southland Rugby Football Union for a nostalgic read.
Published in 1986, Lynn McConnell's excellent book covers the first 100 years of a very proud rugby province. As a keen student of history, my favourite chapter is entitled Ten Great Games and the last four (chronologically) are 1959 v Taranaki, 1966 v British Lions, 1978 v Australia and 1979 v France.
I was lucky enough to be at the latter two, just old enough to remember the euphoria of the Lions victory but unfortunately born 38 days too late to enjoy the last time we won the Ranfurly Shield. For many fans the Log of Wood residing at Rugby Park is, like two world wars and the great depression, something we have not known in our lifetimes.
It's been a long time between drinks. Forty nine years to the day, to be precise, since D L Ashby, R Todd, K F Laidlaw, J G Allison, W J Archer, W R Archer (captain), A J Tait, A J Soper, E A Gorton, I M Miller, D W Jack, L K Fyall, H W O'Neill, J S Borland and G G Spencer lifted the shield from Taranaki by 23-6 on September 5, 1959.
Southland has a bit of history on its side when in comes to Ranfurly Shield challenges in the first week of September. When the Stags run out on to Eden Park tomorrow afternoon it will be 11 years to the day since the valiant 34-32 loss to an All Black-laden Auckland side.
I don't think I've ever been prouder to be a Southlander than during those glorious second 40 minutes on September 6, 1997. In a commentating career dating to 1995 I've never seen a Southland side produce a better half of rugby.
With Southland trailing 27-8 at halftime, it looked like the Graham Henry-coached Auks would inevitably run up another half century against another hapless challenger. But someone forgot to tell the likes of Norm Hewitt, Marty Brooke, Mark Tinnock, Brent Shepherd, Paul Henderson, Jeremy Winders, Stu Harvey, Brett McCormack, Simon Culhane, Pita Alatini, Pailate Fili, Phil Taylor and Mark Seymour.
So 11 years on, how about it Whopper? You could make a lot of old guys very happy and very proud.
August 29th, 2008
It's nice to nestle back to normality after the nocturnal nature of the Olympics.
And, like a pair of old worn-out slippers you can't bring yourself to toss out, it's equally comforting to know Ken Barlow's acting ability hasn't improved during Coronation Street's enforced two-week layoff.
I must apologise in advance to listeners of the Farming Show on Radio Sport and Hokonui Gold because you've heard this before but for the great unwashed out there, here are my Olympic Oscars:
The Britney Spears when-she-was-a-virgin Most Endearing Performance Award: Franoise Mbango Etone, the triple-jumping mother from Cameroon who won the gold medal wearing a modest netball-like skirt.
The Rodney Hide Yellow Jacket Ouch Award: Goes to Janos Baranyai, the Hungarian weightlifter, who dislocated his elbow, followed closely by Beatrice Faumuina, who dislocated her foot putting it in her mouth.
The Nandor Tanczos Should Never Have Been There In The First Place Award: Under-23 soccer, synchronised-anything and Queen Bea.
The Dick Tayler Gutsiest Performance Award: Mahe Drysdale, who quite literally gave his guts (and its contents) for the cause. An honourable mention goes to the poor Ethiopian bloke, Deriba Merga, for his heartbreaking fourth place in the marathon after making all the early running.
The final episode of Dallas Most Sensational Finish Award: Jason Lezak getting the Yanks home in the last leg of the 4 x 100 freestyle relay to keep the Michael Phelps eight-gold-medal dream alive. He swam the unofficial fastest 100m in history to mow down the French Olympic champion after giving him a body-length's start.
The Have-a-Heart Foundation Get a Life Award: Goes to the New Zealand sporting public for their constant sniping at the performance of the television and radio presenters. Their angst would be better directed at TVNZ for some rather bizarre programming and scheduling decisions.
The Winston McCarthy New Zealand Commentator of the Games Award: Anthony Mosse in the swimming - superb! Honourable mentions to 11th-hour fill-in frontman Peter Williams and athletics caller Brendan Telfer.
The Ed Hillary Outstanding Kiwi Effort Award: Nick Willis, who is scaling the mystical heights of middle distance, followed by Valerie Vili and the Evers-Swindell twins.
The Michael Phelps Outstanding Olympian Award: Michael Phelps.
The day Podge Macpherson shouted We'll Never Forget Award: Usain Bolt playing the fool and cantering home in the 100m to post a world-record 9.69 seconds.
August 22nd, 2008
Without wanting to denigrate the magnificent gold medal-winning efforts of Valerie Vili, Caroline and Georgina Evers-Swindell or Tom Ashley, they've been superseded at the Beijing games by Nick Willis' bronze medal.
Along with the 100m, the 1500m is the blue riband event of any Olympic Games.
Some would argue otherwise but the track is the pinnacle of Olympic endeavour, followed by the field events and swimming. Other sports, while welcome additions, are mere window dressing for the main event.
It's well documented that Willis now joins a very illustrious group of New Zealand middle-distance greats as a 1500m medallist. I wouldn't dare suggest he rates the equal of Jack Lovelock, Peter Snell or John Walker but he can now be ranked alongside John Davies and Rod Dixon.
The interesting statistic, also well documented but worth repeating, is Willis' 3min 34sec effort is considerably faster than Lovelock's (3.47), Snell's (3.38) or Walker's (3.39) gold-medal winning efforts.
Dixon's bronze at Munich (3.37), behind Pekka Vasala and the great Kip Keino was, until the early hours of Wednesday morning, the fastest a New Zealander had covered the metric mile in an Olympic final.
It's interesting to look at the past 50 years of the world record for 1500m. In 1958 Herb Elliot set it at 3.36. Since then Jim Ryan, Filbert Bayi, Sebastian Coe, Steve Ovett, Sydney Maree, Steve Cram, Said Auoita, Noureddine Morceli and ultimately Hicham El Guerrouj have lowered it to 3.26.
Tomorrow, weather and health permitting, I debut as a fisherman on Foveaux Strait.
As someone who suffered chronic car sickness as child, the lure of the ocean waves has never been that alluring.
A mate, upon hearing of my impending epic voyage and knowing of my weak stomach, phoned with some advice to help me find my sea legs.
He strongly suggested standing on the back of the boat in the middle, no drinking alcohol the night before and lay off the coffee when on board.
Easier said than done. I'll have to have a celebratory ale tonight when the Stags tip-up top-of the-table Wellington and too many years in radio has left me a sad and sorry caffeine addict.
It could be a tough day at the office.
I'll catch you next week and hopefully some blue cod and oysters in between times.
August 15th, 2008
Tomorrow promises to be a super sporting Saturday.
For me it kicks off with The Footy Show on Hokonui Gold Radio at 9am with Brian Lochore and Dick Tayler, who are guests for the Eastern Southland Rugby Football Sub-Union centennial.
Tomorrow continues with the Southland under-18 rugby final at 1.15pm with Gore High School hosting Verdon College. Gore High won this title in 2005 and 2006 but Verdon was too good last year. Both teams have some excellent young talent with numerous age-group representatives. Their early season round-robin clash resulted in a 10-all draw. Other than that Gore has a clean slate with Verdon's only loss being to the Southland Boys' High second 15. I'm hoping home advantage gets my lads home.
Southland Country takes on the Development team at the Gore Showgrounds and then it's in search of a beer and somewhere warm to watch the Stags against Hawke's Bay at 5.30pm.
The centennial dinner featuring Messrs Lochore and Tayler follows and somehow we're going to have to sneak in a few rowing finals from Beijing from 7.30 to 9.30pm.
Getting through the dinner unscathed is the next mission, followed by the All Blacks' Tri-Nations clash against the Springboks at 1.05am. It will have barely kicked off when it'll be time to channel surf to see how Valerie Vili is going in the shot put final.
And hopefully when Jimmy Cowan's played another blinder and the Boks are history, the final act of a rather long day will be a return trip to Beijing for the men's 100m final at 2.30am, featuring Usain Bolt, Asafa Powell and Tyson Gay.
Other than the Michael Phelps phenomenon, this will surely be the highlight of the Beijing Olympics.
Quote of the week comes from my old golfing mate John Shallard whose company, amongst others, I enjoyed last week in Australia. As 12 intrepid Southland golfers of varying ability, we chopped our way from Sydney to Brisbane, through some of Australia's finest resort courses, getting our money's worth at every bunker on the way.
As we stopped at a petrol station en route to Surfers Paradise, Johnny sent a moment's panic through the troops in the mini-van when he declared he was getting out for a smoke! Mercifully, we extinguished that thought.
August 1st, 2008
A fly sits on the wall of the All Blacks coaches' box at Stadium Australia at the end of yet another Henry humiliation.
Smith: Damn Deans. He's done it to me again. He's been a thorn in my side since 1982 when we won the Ranfurly Shield against Wellington. Steve, you might not remember this because you were too fat to get into the team, but I scored the match-winning try for Canterbury. So for the next three years, did we hear about how Wayne Smith won the shield? No! All we heard about was Robbie's bloody boot.
Hansen: Mumble, mumble. Too fat! Elephants have more friends than snakes, big ears!
Henry: Pull yourselves together boys. You're acting like children. Do you want me to use my headmaster's voice?
Smith and Hansen (subserviently in unison): No sir.
Henry: Look, we've got 30 minutes to get our excuses sorted before the press conference. We got away with Cardiff. Anyone got any bright ideas this time? We obviously can't tell the truth and say we were completely out-coached and have no bloody idea about the ELVs.
Smith: I've been working on my laptop. Statistically we win 88 percent of the tests McCaw plays in. Why don't we just make Braid the sacrificial lamb and tell the fans we would have won if Richie had played?
Hansen: Mumble, mumble. Good thinking. The public will buy that. That means we only had a 12 percent chance of winning without Richie, doesn't it?
Henry: Hansen, it's obvious you went to school to eat your lunch. Did you do anything else? But I agree with Smith. We need scapegoats to divert attention away from us. Let's throw Lauaki to the ravenous press as well. He'll keep the feeding-frenzy chewing for quite a while. Plus we'll toss in Afoa, Tuitivake and Ellis for good measure.
Smith: No! Not little Andy Pandy. Pleeeeease! He's my favourite. Statistically speaking though, Hore didn't play well.
Henry: Geez Wayne. What game were you watching?
Smith: Sorry sir.
Henry: Write 100 lines Smith, I must think before I open my laptop. And one more thing. I don't fancy doing the coach's interview, with Deans down there grinning like a Cheshire cat. Hansen, you couldn't pop down and do the honours? Just don't say anything that will incriminate us.
Hansen: Mumble, mumble
July 25th, 2008
Tomorrow night's Bledisloe Cup clash promises to be a great battle on several fronts and poses many questions.
Will the Aussie front row hold up against a front three that now includes the most capped All Black prop of all time, after Greg Somerville was inextricably left out of the Springbok test in Dunedin?
How will the All Blacks fare without their captain, and arguably best player, Richie McCaw? Is Daniel Braid up to it?
How will the Wallabies fare without their captain, and arguably best player, Sterling Mortlock? Is Ryan Cross up to it?
Will Daniel Carter dominate the game or will the equally ebullient Matt Giteau?
Will Jimmy Cowan see some much-merited game time or ride the pine again for 80 minutes as Andy Ellis muddles his way through yet another test?
Most intriguingly, perhaps, which coach will emerge the victor? Each has downplayed the other in the buildup but rest assured, with the exception of Wayne Smith, there is a genuine animosity between the rival camps.
And can patriotic New Zealanders really bring themselves to support an Australian side just because they can't stomach the All Black coach?
Perhaps the most amazing story of the week was Jamaican-born sprinter Merlene Ottey's failed final attempt to achieve the 100 metres qualifying time that would have enabled her to become the first athlete to compete in eight Olympic Games.
Ottey, 48, who finished second at a meeting in Slovenia, missed the qualifying time by 28 hundredths of a second in a race run into a headwind. She has taken part in every Olympics since the 1980 Games in Moscow and her tally of nine medals is more than any other woman in track and field.
At the 2000 Olympics, she won a relay silver for Jamaica to become the oldest female track and field Olympic medallist. She also has a 100 metres bronze from the same Games after her U.S. rival Marion Jones last year admitted taking steroids and returned all her medals from the Sydney Games.
She competed for Slovenia at the 2004 Games in Athens after six Olympics with Jamaica. Ottey won her first medal, one of a record six bronzes, in Moscow 28 years ago. She never won an Olympic gold.
She's the same age as this writer. Oh to be able to run as fast now as you could as a 20 year old!
July 18th, 2008
I knew test match day in Dunedin was going to be a beauty by 9.47am.
The sun was streaming down on an unusually mild July winter's morning and we were playing the fifth hole at Balmacewen.
Two holes earlier the gregarious Gary Muir had declared to all and sundry within bellowing distance that when he plays with his mates at Otatara there are never any putts given (conceded) to the opposition for the beer.
I reluctantly agreed to his less-than-gentlemanly etiquette but wondered how long it would take to bite him in the bum! Karma was not long in coming.
On the par-four fifth he strung together his three best shots of the day (in hindsight, his only three) to be just six inches (15cm) from the cup.
The rest was a car crash waiting to happen.
Gary, bless him, has the putting stroke of a man who's just suffered one! Mentally he never recovered.
One of golf's great chokes saw the spoils of victory handed to one of golf's great chokers.
And I savoured every last drop of a rarely won beer! wAfter Balmacewen we all headed to Tahuna Park for the Southland-Otago game.
The Stags were down 19-nil upon our arrival but Muir's mere presence must have inspired them, just as it did my golf game.
The Stags, who were well below strength, fought back valiantly to win 43-36 and uncovered a real gem in Robbie Robinson.
Because of his tender years he will be used sparingly in the Air New Zealand Cup but he has the X-factor we have not seen in an 18-year-old debutant since Jeff Wilson in 1992, Paul Henderson in 1983, Steven Pokere in 1977 and Ken Stewart in 1971.
What does Jimmy Cowan have to do to get a start for the All Blacks? Andy Ellis was awful again against the 'Boks and is proving to be a real weak link.
Initially, when he burst on to the scene, he was heralded as a great passing halfback but he's far from that.
He has fallen into the trap of standing, taking two paces, and then passing from an upright position.
If his passing is better than Cowan's, then Gary Muir is Tiger Woods and should be teeing off in the British Open! And we all know the only thing those two have in common is dodgy knees!
